Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
