Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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