he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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