when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
