Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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