Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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