this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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