i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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