to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
