Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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