dude i'm inner monologue high
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
