Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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