Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
