Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
