I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
