Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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