STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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