Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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