last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Couch. On fire.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
