i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
