its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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