I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
