Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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