so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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