my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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