He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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