All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
