All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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