I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
