taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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