I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
