Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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