dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
