Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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