I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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