Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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