i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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