dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
