Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
