Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
