i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
