my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
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