i wish my penis had a tongue
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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