Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
