I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
