Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
