If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
