I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
