And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do herpes really smell.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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