Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
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