no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
