Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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