I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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