You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
